Tri Nations Rugby - All Blacks, Springboks, Wallabies - mid term reports.

Photo from http://www.flickr.com/photos/48187790@N05/4831234556/

With the action taking a break this weekend, it’s time to do mid terms reports, find out who hasn’t been doing their homework, and who could do better.

Australia

Record: 1 win from 3 matches, have conceded the Bledisloe cup AGAIN and look to be fighting it out with South Africa for second. Consistency – we don’t do that. But beat South Africa and looked competent and competitive in their last match.

Coach watch – Robbie Deans ‘We are building for the World Cup’. Could prove controversial when he reveals it’s for the 2015 cup. The job seems to have aged him, could look older than Graham Henry by the end of the tournament.

Star player – David Pocock by a country mile.

Style watch – New yellow jersey looks like beach wear – could be contributing to wrong mind set? Saia Faingaa is working those braids. George Smith might want to mention to him that the greatest Springbok prize in his era was not the Tri- nations or the World Cup, but one of his braids.

New Zealand

Record: 4 from 4. Have laid waste to the competition like the four horsemen of the apocalypse (who probably wore black shirts as well). Showing off in fact. Equivalent of teacher’s pet to refs. Standard seem to have dropped marginally in last match. This team could be destined for greatness.

Coach watch – Graham Henry – Smug, moderately insufferable. Has assumed the mantle of the wise man, starting to resemble Yoda. Must be sniggering at Robbie Deans.

Star player – All star performers but no one is bigger than the team – aahh.

Style Watch – Black is the new Black. Owen Franks’ short hair must be the reason he was the only AB yellow carded – the ref saw him and thought ‘Thug’. May as well get ‘Thug’ tattooed on his forehead. Close up photos have revealed this is in fact the case.

South Africa

Record: 0 from 3. Abysmal. Obviously did no home work at all on the new break down rules. Looked old and sluggish. Won it last year, from hero to zero this year. COULD DO BETTER.

Coach watch – Pieter de Villiers - ‘Conspiracy!’ ‘Favouritism!’ ‘What I meant was…’ It WAS a conspiracy – Elvis told him. Borderline psychotic rants vastly more entertaining than watching the Boks.

Star player – I’m struggling here – could have been Danie Roussow had he not failed to make contact with McCaw.

Style watch – style free zone. Mullet is the hairstyle of choice, and beards are in, making Victor Matfield look 15 years older than he actually is. The coach’s ‘tache is the only thing more ridiculous than what comes out of his mouth.